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I was six months pregnant with twins (11 years of pregnancy losses and ultimately IVF). On Valentine's day, my husband said he had a meeting to go to. I became upset and to sooth me, my husband was going out to get me take out food. On his way out of our house, he encountered the women he had been seeing. Needless to say, she called me at work the next day (she found my work number on my husband's cell phone) and told me the terrible details of their affair... and I mean everything!  The thing that really hurt is she said that my husband told her he wanted her to have his baby (even though they were having protected sex) because I could have his child.  But you know, if she hadn't told me, I would never have gotten the truth out of my husband. Now looking back, I remember my husband making numerous excuses about having late meetings, conferences, parties (all work related). He even got to the point of sneaking out at night.  I would wake up at 1 and 2AM to find him gone! I was six months pregnant and devastated. For a long time after I had the twins, he continued to have the affair -- that was almost four years ago. I don't know where things stand now and yes, we are still married and together. I feels as though our marriage is on automatic pilot and I'm watching from the wings. I've lost the passion and trust I once had for him. I can not call him my best friend anymore... and I can't say that I'm in love with him either. What a waste!
Let me start by saying I am happily estranged from my unfaithful spouse.  I first found your website after my best friend's husband asked for a divorce.  He was cyber cheating, at a minimum.  When he moved the stripper in before the moving van cleared the street, I knew he was a smuck.  Please note he was my husband's best friend.  Further, I was the matron of honor and he the best man at their wedding - does it get better - unfortunately!  What I know is that he and my husband were in this together from day one, which we estimate to have begun in 2001.  They took great pains to cover each others tracks for if one got caught so would the other.  At first, I did not believe he [Jack - not his name] was cheating on my best friend [Noel - not her name] - Jack was always home or with my husband, who, naturally, would tell me.  Clue 1 - In July 2003 shortly after Jack asked out of the blue for a divorce, she showed me Jack's personal ad and the picture had been taken in my family room, obviously, by my husband.  Clue 2- I started searching; and yes, I found evidence, which he AND his mother explained away to a wife and a [close to 50 I must admit] mother who wanted to believe.  [He has a relationship with his mother that would give Freud a field day.  She, too, cyber dates!]  However, seeing such a close friend grieve so over the breakup of her marriage and evidence of cybercheating made me just a little wary.  Of course my husband, providing tea and sympathy and ever so much guilt, was the first to condemn Jack - his best friend.  Well, in May 2004, I found that my husband was still at it on the internet, so I lowered the boom so to speak.  I filed for a legal separation for I would not tolerate infidelity, of which I had found ample evidence.  In July 2004, for the sake of our daughter, who was born to older parents and loves her father dearly, I allowed him to move back home so that we could raise her together - separately.  This may have worked but he lied.  He met some swivel-hipped honey on the internet at Jake's house [he found Chatcheaters in the history files and became convinced that I was monitoring his every move on the home computer] and spent a week with her.  He told me that he was going to attend week-long training to help him market his new business.  Unfortunately for him, I found out that he lied. When he tried to get our daughter to accept the lie, I knew it was well past over.  Therefore, with the experience of my dearest friend, Noel, as a guide, I am now the sole owner of our home, and everything contained therein - forget child support give me our daughter's home!  I am also the custodial parent.  He did not chose to fight me on this - Noel creamed Jack in court! [A good ole Southern, Bible-belt Judge heard the case!  A print out of his personal ads - plural - complete with dates prior to his request for divorce were all the judge needed to make up his mind as to who he named as the responsible party.] Epilogue, my husband and Jack are now roommates; and the  job that once took him away from home 7 days a week by 7 am each day is now neglected while he and Jack play. So for the unsuspecting female that hooks up with either of these two, may you find mercy.  For the home-wrecking, cyber-cheating honey, I do hope you get all that you so richly deserve.  We are free! Noel, my daughter and I are happier than we have been for years.  Ours is a success story and I do hope that you will find strength in our woeful tale of infidelity.  In our careers, we are both considered formidable, professional women, who have reached the pinnacle of success; and we do not view this as a failure. We loved our husbands; and we have survived and come out of this experience far stronger, wiser and closer friends - and we measure our friendship in decades, which is now at the top of the fourth! My advice, if they are cheating, call them on it NOW!  You have nothing to lose but misery!  If a person can cheat on you / walk away from you, they do not deserve you - LET THEM GO!  Thank you for this wonderful website that is truly filled with such inspiration and assistance; and also, for providing an outlet in the waning hours of the day, when you just need to share the experience.  God bless you and this work!
Response to "I have not cheated - YET" If you love your wife as much as you say you do, and if she really loves you as much as you think she does, you should direct her to this site and to your message.  I doubt she'd want to risk it all...she'd probably rather try to find a way to re-energize the sex drive she once had.  She's probably forgotten how much she enjoyed it.
My husband of 11 years decided four months ago we had nothing in common and just left me, our home, took the money and the new car and went back to his ex-wife. The worse thing that could of happened to me. He was married to this women for 22 years, divorced her for a year, met me, dropped me within 4 months a remarried her again. It Lasted 4 months. After some help he came to me for forgiveness and asked me to marry him. He had little or no contact with this sick women. They treated each other abusively and cheated many times on each other during all the time they were married! Our relationship was either a mess or so wonderful it didn't seem real! I loved him very much and too forgive him once was one thing but now it is plain sick and dark. She was on her fifth marriage when this happened again! I am moving slowly on with my life but it takes all the power I have to not contact him and move on once and for all. At 55 I cannot take another loss or trauma of this kind again from him. I made it through the holidays somehow, and am now facing my 11th yr of marriage next week. Bottom line Do not marry someone who was married to the same person.
Her man died she lived with died to her neglect last year so she went back to the only man that would take her back. It is very difficult not to not go after them but they really deserve each other! I think I never really trusted either one of them!! He is getting and suffering bad health problems and paying the price for all his meanness to me and other people. I cared for him and saved his life and it still wasn't enough to stay together!
My wife is 42.  She had an affair with her photo instructor about five years ago.  For months she maintained that they were "just friends".  Sometimes she would get together with him several times a week.  I strongly suspected that there was more going on than just a friendship.  I wanted her to end the relationship.  She did, but then started seeing him again!  This went on for another year.  When she finally did break it off with him, she admitted to me that she had slept with him.  I wasn't shocked, because I pretty much knew that she was f----ing him.  Still it was very upsetting, and I'm still dealing with it.  I can't trust her anymore.  As it turns out, she also told me that she had met a man many years ago when she was at a seminar out-of-state.  Though she maintains that she didn't sleep with him, she did spend some rather intimate time alone with him.  I know that she has met, and still does meet, with other men one-on-one in business situations.  I always wonder what might be happening when she does.  My wife isn't a "bad" person, but she is a flirt, and can be real tease.  I get the feeling that men sense that, even though she is married, she may be "available".  She has a hard time saying no, and gets easily swept away in  "situations".  I don't really know what to do.  I love her, but I'm wondering if she is a perpetual cheater.  We have gone to counseling, and this seems to help for a while, then things go back to where they were.  I wonder if it is true that once a spouse has been unfaithful that she always will be so.
my husband of two and a half years has done something weird.  I have found emails from a girl that is in the same line of work as him.  He says that it was all just fun and games but he would ask her if she had a webcam and IM so they could chat later.  She says that she will be coming to visit his area in about three weeks.  I confronted him about this and he says that its just a computer he has not even touched anyone and it was all a big game.  Can emails with sexual undertones be considered a form of adultery?
My husband of two years left me on new years eve we have been fighting a lot the last month. he told me that I did not give him freedom and that my family hates him he has alot of anger inside him and he always took it out on me. a week before he left he warned me that he was leaving me I really did not think he was but he did. he said he is going to live with his father two hours away. my husband work in the city. so i did not understand why he would go so far from me. He said he loves me very much but he needs time to his self to think of things he says that there is no other women. He says he needs to think about things. when we lived together there was no sign of him cheating he was always home with me he had no friends he never went out. i love him very much and I want to believe him but I cant. i think there might be more to the story. i call him and he does not answer his calls he call me back like a hour later. tells me he was busy. we saw each other only 3 times since he left. and all times we had the best sex ever. i feel there was never a problem with the sex. i asked him is he coming back he said he is but he needs time alone not to call him so much then he tells me he has more freedom and he likes that so i told him maybe we should divorce he says no that he loves me and he will be back real soon i dont no if to trust him or not his father is to in our biz telling him he should go back to school and to stay away from me for a while. i told him i am starting to think there is a women but he keeps telling there isnt i dont no what to do I want our marriage to work but first i am going to find if there in some else. when we first met he was cheating on me he told me he was going to live with his cousin for a while but it was not true he was living with his babys mama to help her out cause baby was sick so he said she did not even no about me. who to no maybe hes doing something like that now i dont no i guess time will tell. wish me luck thank u
I just ran across this site in a search. I believe that my wife is cheating and I don't know what to do. Recently my wife went to get her hair done after a rather large purchase. I asked her how she expected to get her hair done after the money she had spent. I told never mind go and get your hair done and she does. I noticed over the next week that the transaction did not go through in the account. I asked her about it and she told me that she took it out of the atm by her beauty parlor. She keeps a paper reciept of everything, but didn't have one for this. After I kept asking she finally tells me that she got the money from her mom over a year ago. Clearly a lie I get to thinking about other aspects that were going on. Like lately she did not seem to be into me at all. She would sit around looking depressed and when I would ask whats wrong she would tell me nothing. We were still having sex but it was less often and we we did she did not seem into and not satisfied. on top of that she starts trimming up down there on a regular basis. I start to get depressed and talk to some of my friends. One who is an admitted cheater told me that when he meets a married woman the first thing he does is give the woman money to get her hair done. I talked to a female friend of mine a told her the situation like it was happening to friend of mine and the first thing she said was of she's screwing around. When she found out that I was talking about my wife she told me that she doesn't think my wife would cheat. I went home that night and presented my circumstantial evidence to my wife and the first thing she does is say "you sure you aren't cheating." I believe the first thing someone does when they are guilty is try to throw the blame some where else. We talked and she promised that she was not cheating and that I was the only one, and that she needed me to believe her. It seemed that instantly our relationship got better, that night she gets all made up and puts on lingerie and tells me to take pics of her. And the sex starts to become dynamic. I hoped that everything was backed to normal but one day she left her phone at home and a private number pops up. When I answer it hang up. I also find out that she went to the mall in the middle of the day to just look around, when usually she hates going to the mall and then lying about it. The most recent is just last night when she got off work about eleven o'clock and doesn't come home till twelve. When I asked what she was doing she told me that had to work late. I know that all this seems to be just things I put together and I would hate to destroy my marriage over presumption. But I feel that if I let this go on she will destroy it. Just wondering what to do.
I feel that my husband is having affair with my maid, its just a feeling within me I do not know how far its true, cause he cares for her a lot and at times when I enter the room they both come out as in a hurry with a guilty face.  How can I know whether my suspicious is true or I am acting silly.
My husband had an 1 1/2 month long affair with one of his employees.  Though he is not totally without fault, a great deal of the curiosity that got him going was the soft porn pictures he found of her on the internet. That soft porn should have told him something...that his mistress was a real piece of work.  She infected him with HPA (genital warts), and HSV2 (herpes). He broke up with her in early December.
Two weeks ago I woke up with instincts that my live in boyfriend was cheating on me and that I need to look through his cell phone.  To my surprise I found a few texts from two different girls. One said, "she had miss him very much" and the others said " she wanted to wake up with him in his mouth", and " how much she had loved him." When I confronted him he said I wasn't sweet enough to him and that he has given everything to me and still I wasn't happy. He also said that they were only texts messages and they didn't mean a thing to him. I didn't believe him and I don't want to compromise myself and live in a situation where there isn't security in my relationship. I no longer trust him, every time he would grab his phone--I look at him weird. I don't want to live like this, always wandering. Since then he has admitted that one girl lives in another state now, and that he has known for ten years as business associates from when they use to work together. I found her numbers and I have it in my phone but haven't had the nerve to call her. What would I say to her? I don't know if I will ever call her. Maybe my boyfriend turned to someone else because I wasn't doing enough in our relationship. I want to fight for what I deserve. I love him and still want to be with him but apart of me just doesn't trust him anymore.
I ended a 4yr.+ affair . I was divorcing when it started & he was still married. My gut feeling was he'd never leave his wife. I was right. I had enough. He had become controlling, coming in my house & sitting in the dark waiting for me to come home if he couldn't find me. His reasons for not leaving his wife became excuses. My friends were frustrated with me, but he always had a way to make things seem different , then it hit me. I told  him  to hit the road. He said he "didn't understand why his being married bothered me so much". I just laughed and thought you've got to be kidding. Then weeks latter he'd written me a letter telling me how he just didn't understand how I could drop him like that and that he'd bought me an diamond ring waiting to give me. I am so glad that I ended the affair because i'm worth more than somebody on the side. It took a lot of courage to do it because I really did love him, but as time went on I had started to really see things about him that worried me.  I was afraid of being alone but realized being alone is better than that.  Good things do happen when you do wake up and do the right thing. About two weeks later I met someone through mutual friends, he asked me out and 8 months later he became my husband.

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I met a "wonderful" man six years ago and dated him for approx. two years. I was not getting what I needed from him in the relationship so I ended it. He was always busy and preoccupied. But I had fallen in love with him.  He kept contact via holiday cards with me for three years.  I never contacted him during this time. He finally called me after his father died. We started talking more and more. I realized that I missed him and he made me believe that he had changed. His father's death had changed his view on life and he said that he had always loved me.  We began seeing each other again and even went on vacation. seven months later, he proposed.  We became engaged and started making plans. Unfortunately, I lived 45 min. away and was not around him all of the time. He still acted preoccupied sometimes but I thought that was just him. He slipped up one night at a bar and mentioned that he had been engaged before (four months after the proposal). I thought that I knew everything important. As, it turns out, he was engaged when we dated before, the ENTIRE time. I forgave him. sounds crazy doesn't it. We went on with our engagement. Everything seemed fine. The nagging feeling in my gut would not go away. five months later I found out that he had just ended a two year relationship with someone else. So, this man that claimed to love me and only me and swore that there was no one else and kept asking me when I was moving in and when we could be married. has always had someone else in his life. I'm still dealing with the whole thing. My family really liked him and had no clue either. Even my daughter from my first marriage was close to him. I wish that I could understand why. Now, despite his confessing about the other two women, he still wants me. I have the gut feeling that there are other women also. In retrospect, there were a lot of signs and most of all the gut feeling that something wasn't right. So, my advice to anyone that "thinks" their "love" is cheating. Go with your Gut and be relentless. Think about how much YOUR love is worth and act accordingly. Good Luck and take care of yourself!
My husband of 11 years emotionally, mentally and sexually abused me.  Though I asked him to leave, he refused.  When we went to counseling, he continued to give only half truth responses during our sessions.  I finally decided to leave.  It's been a year now, and through counseling and support, I'm recovering.  I've found a wonderful man who loves and supports me as I muddle through the separation.  Throughout the year and now, however, my husband continues to profess his undying love and devotion and a small part of me wants to believe he can change, but trust was broken in our marriage by his inability to stop or admit to the abuse and continue to tell me and others that everything was great and he loved me.  Through careful investigation on my part, I found out that my so called devoted husband was not as devoted to me or our marriage.  I left in November, and though he proclaimed his undying love to me, he began seeking out other women in March and has been doing so the entire year.  I continued to look for a sign of hope that somehow, he would show his devotion to me.  I figured since he was telling me all the time how much he loved me and needed me that his behaviors would show me how much I meant to him.  Unfortunately, his ego continued to win over his devotion to me and he ended up finding another women to share our bed with.  It was my son who walked in on her showering in our shower.  My husband, of course, blamed me for his indiscretion because I left him and was not around for him so what else was he suppose to do.  In a last ditch attempt, I told him I'd give him a chance to prove himself as he proclaimed to me all year that dramatic changes were in store if I just gave him the chance.  So I did and told him that his girlfriend a barrier, so he vowed to break up with her.  Within a week, through more investigation, I found out he continued his contact with her via cell phone, text message and e-mails.  He claimed that things weren't going as he had thought they would go, so he went back. I told him that he should leave me alone and turn his attentions toward his girlfriend since he couldn't seem to let go of her.  He begged me to give him another try and swore that he would tell her and that would be it.  He promised to be honest about everything from here on and I wanted to believe that.  Well, as it turned out, he began seeing and calling her within a week while telling me he wasn't.  He continually lied for the 2 months he was given a second chance just keep contact with her.  Finally, I'd had enough.  He began getting angry with me because things still weren't moving in the direction he wanted, so I asked him if he had been seeing her, and he flat out said no.  As I pressed the issue, he continued to deny seeing her and began to get angry at me.  Luckily, I found her online diary and read an entry made that same day.  It said he was there last night telling her how much she meant to him and how much he needed and wanted her in his life and that he was going to come over that evening.  It was at that point I decided he wasn't worth it.  Even to this day, he says he lied to protect his privacy.  What the hell does that mean?  I even asked him if he's ever lied to her and he said he wouldn't do that to her.  Yea right!  A friend told me he's a pathologic liar.  My only regret is my kids have to go through this because their father took advantage of what he had in the marriage then was too self absorbed and selfish to put in the work needed to gain back my trust and love.  I still go to counseling and, luckily, have a man who continues to support me and be there for me.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He has been the best thing which ever happened to me. He was the first man who cared so much for me, love me so much. We started as friends, but he really tried hard and after just "friendly" relationship of 6 months we became a couple, He was the one to say " I love you first", for me it took time. I was always questioning if we were right for each other, me 28 now and he 4 years younger. Different nationalities. He cooked for me, he wrote letters, he bought flowers. For our first anniversary i got 365 roses sent to my office. I was surprised that the man can be like that, seriously i believed that i am the luckiest one in the world. And he was handsome. Last year in September i discovered (by mistake) that he was cheating on me on the internet, he was using different name, different e-mail account. When confronted he was still in denial. But he was chatting with younger girls, he was writing mails. at the same time he was telling me how much he loved me. i was devastated, especially because he wrote some nasty sex e-mails involving young girls to some strange woman. It was so unlike him. Like double personality. He promised he would never do it again, that he loved me, we started going to psychologist. i thought there is a chance, but i was still checking his laptop. For Christmas we went to my country, my friends, parents just loved him. Nice, intelligent, well behaved gentlemen. Just now in January , week after we came back i discovered he deleted some porn pictures from the laptop, then i discovered a folder full of them. I was shocked, he told me he was doing it in November, after we started counseling. He created new e-mail account and new msn account for chatting. He lied, and the worst was he was talking to really young girls. I am shocked devastated. He also had some porn pictures of younger persons on his laptop. Well he just moved out to a friend, i told him to take all the staff. I was hysterical, depressed, i am crying all the time, because i love him so much. I know he wants to go to psychologist, but i cannot understand why he is not fighting now. He went very quiet, shocked, he knows he hurt me so much and i know that he also loves me a lot. i know it is addiction but i wonder if he is strong enough and loves me enough to manage to do anything about it. this needs drastic therapy... i wish it never happened and i still wonder what the future will be..... Can he change, does he want to change? right now i know i love him, my life without him is empty but my wound is so so so deep....can the trust be ever re-built

I am single, been married before nasty divorce. Then I met a man too soon and got pregnant. I have been with this man for close to five years. The things that I have to put up with him are out of this world. The abuses involves mental, physical and verbal. Now, I finally figure out step by step how to fight these infidelity, and disrespect. Women, go out get educated, have self worth, believe in yourself and love yourself, because nobody else will. My question is why women disrespect one another. The truth is the women that cheats are the women that are financially stable, experienced loose and lonely. Men in general are just curious in nature. the sad part is that the good women are stuck, either because of children or financially incapable of independence from the abuse and emotionally attached. We need to get real that women needs to wake up, there is no such thing as innocent love. There is one man for hundreds of women to choose. part of this to blame is because women wants to pretend the cheating game is heaven when in reality it is hurtful.

I had some chat monitoring software installed on my computer because I was very suspicious of my fiance who enjoys playing internet games such as dominoes or checkers. I felt he was acting strange.  Well, everything was fine for quite a while until I happened to check a recent report.  I discovered that while I was working that morning, he was home having a sexy chat with some woman from Virginia while playing internet dominoes.  It's hard to explain, they didn't really get graphic, but there were a lot of double entendres, such as "ohh baby, you're punishing me", and some personal questions too of a somewhat intimate nature.  My reaction:  I promptly told him that I had the whole conversation recorded, that I was disillusioned and that he better decide right now, if he does it again, goodbye for good. I tried to explain how very wrong it was for us. I then emailed his married with 3 small children new friend and told her that my fiance was a liar and asked her if her husband knew she was soliciting cybersex in the morning and that I had it recorded. She emailed me back, with two terrified messages that she would "never talk to him again" and that she was just looking for friendship from her opponents. Right! That was the 10th so I am still raging inside with anger and hurt. Am I overreacting? I just know how I feel.  I will see what happens, but now I'm getting the silent treatment from him. Please, watch out for those internet games, they create a bond between the players that may lead to no good.
This happened when I was several years younger and a little naive. My high school sweetheart and I moved in together immediately after I graduated, he had once cheated before when we first got together with (you guessed it) my best friend. I ended up forgiving both of them and remaining just as close with her as him, but part of me became very untrusting of everyone. I had lost my father 2 years prior to this incident and was already emotionally distraught. Anyway, 3 years later when I graduated and moved in with him while we attended the same University, I went out to the bar without him and met this nice girl who was crying because she said her boyfriend dumped her. We began to talk and I comforted her saying most men were jerks and told her about my boyfriend's previous infidelity, well turns out after much discussion that the cause of her and my torment came from the same man. The worst part of this story is that I am still haunted by insecure feelings and I do not trust anyone, I really had no idea with this guy because he was so quiet, so shy and so sweet I would never have suspected. I am now 6 months pregnant with my first child and I regret to say I am overly jealous and suspicious of my husband. Hopefully I can one day recover from this, I just wish these men (and women) knew how damaging these infidelities are.
Reply to 'His wife should have known he was cheating'.  You don't know what to do now that he won't talk to you anymore?  Do what you should have done in the first place, find a SINGLE man to get involved with.  You aren't his wife and YOU will never be...he couldn't trust you.  Obviously you are the one he keeps in the 'dark', and that's where worms stay!
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